“The worst horror movie I ever saw was fucking great,” Stephen King said to Eli Roth during their conversation on Eli Roth’s History of Horror.
I wish I could say the same thing. I quit on so many movies (quit on just about every TV show). My time is valuable to me and watching terrible shit irks me something awful…but maybe I’m just looking the wrong way. There must be nuggets of enjoyment out there.
In an effort to find positives, I’m forcing myself to watch entire movies that I go into assuming extreme suckage.
This is not a rating of the summed up quality, but a rating between 1 (I might barf if I watch the whole thing) and 5 (I could hardly look away from the screen) of how watchable the movies are.
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019)
The shadow of the Bellows family has loomed large in the small town of Mill Valley for generations. It's in a mansion that young Sarah Bellows turns her tortured life and horrible secrets into a series of scary stories. These terrifying tales soon have a way of becoming all too real for a group of unsuspecting teens who stumble upon Sarah's spooky home.
First off, I didn’t read the book, so I had zero expectations...though I doubted I'd hate this one, more like thought it would be a middle of the road kids' flick, and I’d seen numerous reviews by people drowning in anger because the movie did not quench their nostalgic thirst. So my hopes were low.
I know this nostalgic feeling, and it isn’t fair to impose on a movie. We’re all junkies about something that was produced from another project, chasing that first time feeling. But movies aren’t books (I’ve been trying to check my beefs with IT over this, might succeed someday). Same goes with revisiting a movie with an update.
On its own, Scary Stories as a movie, without any prior experience baggage, this thing is a fucking corker. I go to the movies about once a year and this is a fantastic theater flick—jump scares, great visuals, and a treatment suitable for anyone. The story is fast and spooky and simple. Sometimes redundant, but what isn’t? In a rare turn, the child actors weren’t trash. The characters were fun and the kills were good. I really can’t fathom getting bitchy over this one, it’s solid and fun and scary.
I’m not going to go in much because just about everyone will see this movie, horror people anyway. So I'll leave it that I enjoyed the hell out of it.
5/5 – Watchable? Absolutely, I bet I’ll watch it a gang of times in the coming years